Time vs. Timing (What we can do while we wait)

I’ve got to tell you, I’m in a real in-the-middle stage of parenting these days. My boys (6, 8, and 11) are at ages where they can wake themselves up, pour their own cereal, brush their own teeth, and get themselves dressed in the morning. But they aren’t yet at an age where they care about the timing of it all. You know, getting it all done before my oldest’s morning carpool is sitting in the driveway, or before the bus arrives for the younger two. They would miss that target every single morning if not for some strong (let’s call it) encouragement from my husband and me.

But what that means for me is that, after the last decade of getting babies up each morning, changing diapers, wiping butts, making and feeding breakfast, helping put shoes on, and buckling into carseats, my morning mom role has evolved to one of just kind of….waiting.

I’m waiting for their sleepy little heads to walk downstairs. I’m waiting for them to finish eating breakfast so I can remind them to brush their teeth. I’m waiting to make sure they put their snacks and water bottles in their backpacks. I’m waiting for their rides to take them to school.

And you know, it’s not like I can get anything productive done while I wait like read or listen to a podcast - I can’t take my eye off the ball because it’s the only eye that knows where the ball is.

But with all this waiting, I often think to myself - how am I reconciling all this wasted time?

I’ve tried to come up with things to do that allow me to (1) not get so absorbed that I lose track of time myself, and also (2) allow enough brain space to answer a question every 15 seconds. And if you remember that I’m also trying to avoid (mostly) the news and social media, what’s left to occupy this time? I can only do so many NYT games.

Time is the constant backdrop of our lives. When you think about time, it’s really just a measure—a sequence of moments that ticks away, indifferent to how we spend it. But we (I) think a lot about time - how we’re using it and how we’re maximizing what’s available, ensuring we’re spending the time we have on things that matter - things that move us forward.

In fact, we have a word for this kind of time - Chronos. The measurable time. It’s the minutes and hours that structure your day.

But there is another way to think about time, too - a term called Kairos. Kairos is qualitative, and is more about the right moment. Kairos is what makes a joke hilarious because the punchline lands at just the right second. It gives us the ability to recognize an opportunity when it appears out of nowhere. It’s the intuition to know when to act, when to wait, and when to leap. Kairos is about timing.

I think what makes us impatient about day-to-day life is focusing more on Chronos and not enough on Kairos. Through all these seemingly-wasted hours waiting on my kids in the morning, I’m hopefully also setting a foundation so that they are comfortable coming to me when they need something. And while those things might be small now - like help in finding a water bottle or a pair of socks - they’ll be sure to get more complicated as they get older. And maybe I’m investing (not wasting) all this time now so I can reap this very much anticipated time later. I’m waiting for the right future moment - the Kairos.

With everything happening in our country right now, the Kairos of it all is really on my mind - beyond understanding what we can do, when do we know when it’s time to act? It’s probably different for all of us - based on our backgrounds, our skills, and our capabilities.

Maybe, though, I can take advantage of this time each morning in a more meaningful way. Maybe while I sit and wait for my kids to get ready, I can just do one small thing each day. I can sign up to get emails from an organization I care about. I can make a small donation. I can send a quick text to friends who have been affected by jobs, funding, or healthcare - not because I can change anything, but because I can let them know that I see them. And that I care.

And maybe you can, too.

Maybe Kairos is simply about staying alert - paying attention and looking for opportunities that come our way. Doing small things until we see an opportunity to do a bigger thing.

And I don’t know about you, but to me that sounds like time (and timing) well spent.